So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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