You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize