Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
