I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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