the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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