how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I wear drunk well.
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