he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Two words: nipple clamps
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