Don't make out with my wife yet
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
