Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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