i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
