What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
