you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
