no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
