never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
