Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
