based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
