There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
