all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
