I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
