I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
