wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
