The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize