You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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