Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
