i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
