I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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