After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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