my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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