I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
it was like eating out sand paper
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
