how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Your penis caused this!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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