wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
