we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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