it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
