Swine flu is the new snow day.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
