I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
