Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
