no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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