CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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