Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
