using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
