So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
