he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I could fuck to npr.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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