he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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