She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize