it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
