the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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