when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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