i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
