we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
