I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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