That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
