It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
