you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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