The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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