So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
