Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I intend to get homeless drunk
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
