Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
