The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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