i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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