did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
