nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
