Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
