She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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