I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
people are starting to question the shark bite story
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
