Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
