I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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