FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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