i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize